Helen reading on the couch of the living room. It is raining. There is a lightning bolt and then a knock at the door
Helen: Can somebody get that? (No one answers) God forbid anybody should help around here. (She answers the door) [Thunder]
Police: Mrs. Helen Girardi?
Helen: Yes. Oh, you must be looking for Will. I think he's in the shower.
Police: I'm afraid we have some bad news. Your son has been in an accident.
Helen: My son Kevin?
Police: Yes, ma'am.
Helen: No. He's at a party. He called.
Police 2: Leaving the party, there was an accident.
Police: We're here to take you to the hospital. I'm afraid his condition is serious.
Helen: How serious?
Police: Let us take you to the hospital, Mrs. Girardi.
Helen: Wait, wait, wait. I remember this, but... (she looks around) not this house. What house is this? (Kevin comes down the stairs. He is walking) Oh, you're out of the shower.
Police: Your son's condition, it's critical.
Helen: (There is an eco here) No. There he is. Look.
Kevin: (Camera on Kevin) Who are those clowns?
Police man one is wearing an orange button down shirt with pink suspenders, has white makeup all over his eyes and mouth and a red nose.
Police man two is wearing a blue button down shirt with red polka dot suspenders and a red striped tie. He/She has white make up all over his/her face and very red mouth. No red nose. A big blond wig and a little pink hat.
They are creepy, even though they look funny. And as you can tell now, Helen is having a dream.
She starts laughing and there is a zoom in shot of the clowns frowning. Their make-up is sad.
Helen: Will! You gotta--you gotta come see this! [Continues laughing, then we see Helen in the bed with Will, she is tossing and turning in her sleep] Will. Will.
Then we cut to another part of her dream. The church (same church Joan was at in Jump if that helps you visualise this) A woman in a wheel chair is being pushed down the aisle. Helen is standing in her P.J.s lighting a candle.
Helen: (as a prayer) Look, here's the thing... you can't let my son die. You just can't. (She walks to the front of the church) I know I haven't been good, but that's no reason to punish him. Take me instead. Just don't punish him for what I've done wrong.
She sits down in the front pew, behind her left shoulder we see the First god Joan ever spoke with, Cute Boy God.
God: Do you think that's how I work, Helen?
Helen: Who are you? (she turns around)
God: I'm god.
Helen: (Now, remember back to the pilot) As in...God (he nodes). Burning bush, tower of Babel, ten commandments God.
God: I've been through this with your daughter.
Helen: What does my daughter have to do with this?
God: Everything.
Helen: Are we talking about Joan? My Joan? Can't finish a book report on time Joan?
This part is very, very creepy. It is the Cute boy Gods voice, but Joans body. Helen has a surprised look on her face.
Joan/God: She's open to possibility. That's my favourite instrument.
Helen: What are you talking about?
Joan/God: Just be open. That's all I ask.
The Joan/God thing gets up and leaves. No, they dont do the God wave thing. (I looked for it, but it never happened)
Helen: No. Come back. What are you doing? (yelling down the aisle of the church) Joan! (She sits up in bed) God!
Will: Helen?
Helen: Oh, god.
Will: It's ok. You were dreaming.
Helen: Oh, god. That was so real. I dreamt that... the cops were at the door telling me about Kevin.
Will: (Sighs) Oh, god. I've had that one, too. (he lays down again)
Helen: Do they turn into clowns?
Will: Almost never.
Then the opening song begins same as always.
The second scene beings in the Girardi Kitchen. Joan is sitting on the counter. Her leg is really red and she is scratching it like there is no tomorrow. Luke and Kevin are there, the parents are not.
Joan: Leprosy, just in time for summer.
Luke: It's probably a staph infection you picked up in the locker room. Ooh. Very tenacious. Calamine's not gonna do it.
Joan: Hey, sometimes science should be seen and not heard.
Kevin: Legs are overrated. Take it from an expert, you can still get laid.
Joan: Do boys have to talk?
Helen: (coming in from upstairs) Sorry. I'm running behind. Who wants pancakes?
Kevin: We're already eating, mom.
Helen: Eating what?
Kevin: Day-old burrito for me. Luke has some fish sticks, and Joan has some corn chips.
Joan: Being into protein.
Helen: You're all gonna get scurvy.
Luke: Joan already has it.
Helen: (looking at Joans leg) What is that?
Joan: It's God's idea of a cruel joke. Last day of school, party in the quad, everybody wearing miniskirts. Let's give Joan herpes.
Helen: Well, you look cute in jeans.
Joan: You don't like boys looking at my legs.
Helen: Yeah. I'm kind of Amish that way. Hey, I dreamt about god last night. (See Joan have a double take) Would somebody please at least have some juice?
Joan: Are you kidding?
Helen: Just a thimbleful of vitamins. It might even cure your rash.
Joan: Well, I meant about God.
Helen: God was like this teenage boy, and then he turned into you. (Joan has an awkward laugh)
Luke: I have my reoccurring dream. Manning the mars Lander.
Kevin: There's no man in the mars Lander.
Luke: Well, there is in my dream... and he's naked.
Joan: Whoa! Oh, uh... nauseating.
Will: Pancakes?
Helen: I'll make some.
Will: I was offering. (He kisses her)
Helen: Oh. I accept.
Will: She was making lassie sounds in her sleep.
Joan: Too much bedroom.
Helen: It's just that god was in this corduroy coat, (Joan is really interested now) and then he turned into Joan.
Joan: Brown corduroy coat?
Helen: Yeah. Very handsome.
Joan: Short spiky hair?
Helen: You've had that dream?
Joan: Sort of. But why are you having it?
Luke: Classic mother-daughter psychic connection stuff.
Will: (Cell phone rings) Girardi. Where? What's the status? Ok. I'll meet you there.
Helen: No pancakes.
Will: Hostage situation. Domestic gone bad.
Helen: Where?
Will: At the precinct.
Kevin: When does a hostage situation ever work out?
Will: (to Helen) I'll call you. (kisses her)
Helen: Ok.
Joan: Mom, what exactly did god... look like? I mean, what did he say?
Helen: Honey, it was just a dream. Hey, you better have that looked at.
Joan: Oh, believe me... it's gonna get looked at.
The Next scene begins with Will entering the station. There are police with guns all aimed at a man. The man is holding a gun in one hand and a woman in a blue sweater in the other.
Will: What's the synopsis?
Toni: Just your average domestic dispute. Guy with a 9-mm to his wife's head asking for his mommy.
Cop: We brought him in, he started to calm down, suddenly the guy goes nuts, he grabs a uniform's gun. Here we are.
Will: What's the guy's name?
Will: (Shouting to the man with the gun) Walter. Walter! I'm detective Will Girardi. I'd like to work something out, if we can.
Walter: What the hell are you, some kind of hostage negotiator?
Will: Walter, I'm the guy who's gonna get you out of here, if you'll let me.
Walter: Oh, yeah. Like out of the frying pan and into the fire. You'll decide what I'm about, and you'll put me away, and I won't get a chance.
Will: All of that can be Discussed at length. Just put the gun down before someone gets hurt.
Hostage: And I am pregnant, too!
Will: Oh, boy.
Toni: You're doing great.
Walter: Wh-where the hell is my mother?!
Cop: She's on the way.
Will: Walter, she's on the way. Just hang in there. (to Toni) I want my mother.
Toni: Who doesn't?
Next scene, Joan is at school. She is leaning with her bottom against the locker. Bending down to scratch her leg.
Grace: Eew. What's with the flea bites? Std already? I thought there was in incubation period.
Joan: A little louder, please.
Grace: You seem kind of sweaty.
Joan: All this blatant flattery, I feel really great about myself. (She does not look good)
Grace: Does this have anything to do with "the do"?
Joan: What "do"?
Grace: That you did with Rove.
Joan: But I didn't.
Grace: Everybody knows about the hotel.
Friedman: Congratulations, and thank you for putting the sub-defectives on the map.
Joan: Whoa. Nothing happened, ok? Adam just... cleaned the carpet.
Friedman: I like. And the carpet seems very shiny today.
Joan: You pig! (To Adam, who is walking by) Hey!
Adam: Uh, hey. Um...overdue. I'll catch you later?
Joan: Sure.
Friedman: Ouch. Post-coital avoidance.
Joan: There was no coital.
Friedman: You just went from a Persian wool to a throw rug.
Grace: How would you like to be a throw rug?
Joan: (Puts her hand up to her head to steady herself) I don't feel so good.
Grace: Friedman is a termite. (puts her arm around Joan) Come on, buck up. You can't miss the Liberation festival on the lawn. Student/faculty egg-and-spoon race, hmm? Who needs drugs?
Joan: Uh, I feel kind of dizzy.
Friedman: And hot.
Joan: Shut it!
Friedman: I mean-- I meant hot.
Joan: Ok. I'm gonna go do some vomiting. I'll be back.
Back to the police station. Waters mother has just arrived.
Toni: Will, this is Ruth Washington.
Ruth: He's a good boy. It's that Denise who's trouble.
Will: We need to make sure your son doesn't pull the trigger, Mrs. Washington, or he'll end up in prison for the rest of his life. Not to mention losing a woman and her baby.
Ruth: Baby?
Toni: She says she's pregnant.
Ruth: Denise. She opens her mouth and words come out. Nobody believes it.
Will: Mrs. Washington, I'm not sure you're helping as much as you could here.
Walter: Mama?! Mama, I need you!
Ruth: I'm here, baby, but put that gun down before somebody shoots you.
Walter: Tell them how it is, mama, how she is. They don't understand!
Denise: Look, I am carrying his baby.
Ruth: Well, you might be carrying somebody's.. Put it down, Walter. I'm not gonna come visit you in no prison.
Walter: But you gotta make 'em listen, mama! Make 'em listen! (Denise struggles and Walters gun goes off. He shoots his mother in the heart. Denise screams)
Officer: Get down! Down! Get on your knees!
Denise: Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me!
Officer: It's ok. You're ok.
Will is at Ruths side. She sits up a little and then the last breath escapes her and she lays back on the floor, dead. Will looks up at Toni.
Back in the Girls room at the school. The tap is dripping. A hand is reaching for the knob and then the water goes full force. Joan rinses her mouth out after throwing up. She is leaning with her head almost against the wall.
Joan: (Sighs) Barfing, rash, last day of school. You're a real party-in-the-box.
She stands up and in the mirror are two girls. Both wear black dresses and a white hair band. They stand very close together and speak at exactly the same time.
Both: Do you think that's how I work, Joan?
Joan: I thought we were going with monotheism.
God: I'm impressed you know what that is.
Joan: Why are you torturing me? And don't say I'm torturing myself.
God: Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see. So you have to trust the world behind your eyes.
Joan: There's a world behind my eyes? Great. Because this one is in enough trouble.
God: People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am. They trust me even in a silence.
Joan: Oh...ok, can you just take care of the rash and the...barfing... and save the haiku for another time?
The Girls kind of meld into one being
Joan: (Groans) Very matrix.
God: (still sounds like two beings) Go to the doctor. You're sick.
Joan: Oh, I'm sick. I'm sick? Ha. (Groans) (runs back into the bathroom stall) I'm sick.
After the commercial break we re-join Will at the police station. Walter is being arrested.
Walter: You can't keep me from my mother. I have rights. You let me talk to her.
Cop: Here's the problem with that-- you shot her.
Walter: She can't be dead. She can't be.
Cop: Funny thing about the bullet in the heart.
Toni: Very predictable outcome.
Will: Take Mr. Washington and book him. I'll wrap things up over here.
Denise: I'm not the crazy bitch. She's the crazy bitch. (She is yelling at Ruth on the stretcher) You are the crazy bitch, and your son is a moron, and he shot you! You see that? You got that?
Will: Mrs. Washington, please--
Denise: please, what?
Ruth: (Sitting straight up) He was aiming at you. I wish he hadn't missed. (lies back down as if nothing happened, though, now she is alive and on oxygen)
Will: That woman was dead. I saw her die.
Back at the liberation party on the lawn at school. Mr. Price has his head in the bulls-eye for the students to throw things at him.
Joan: Ohh, I'm sick.
Luke: Why don't you find mom and go home?
Joan: I went to the office and they said she'd left, and I can't find Adam.
Grace: Oh, look. They made it 3-legged this year. Inspired choice, tying yourself to a faculty member. I've had that dream.
Joan: I need to find Adam.
Luke: Hornsby's the one to beat. 3-year reigning champion.
Grace: The typing teacher? He's like 80.
Joan: Where is he? Is he at the library?
Grace: Are you talking to your little invisible friend?
Price: So... who wants a shot at beating Hornsby? He's going down. Ms. Polk? Here's your chance to humiliate a faculty member.
Grace: Oh, they don't need my help.
Price: Hmm. Mr. Girardi?
Luke: Mm. Ovophobia. It's a fear of eggs. It's a real thing.
Time freezes. A jock who was going to throw his punch at someone is frozen mid throw and the punch is in the air like someone hit the pause button. Joan is freaking out. The mascot god from Re-creation comes over.
God: You should do it.
Joan: What?
God: Be in the race.
Joan: You said go to the doctor.
God: I say a lot of things.
Joan: Was that you in the bathroom?
God: It's me here now, and that's the point. My name is I am, not I was.
The time starts up again.
Price: Ms. Girardi. I'm not saying this could affect your final average, but--
Joan: I'll do it.
Grace: This is alarming.
We join up with Helen at the church. She is walking down the aisle towards the front of the church. She sits down at the front right. Behind her is the Cute boy God. Someone calls her name. It wasnt him though. She looks ahead and sees the priest from the first part of the season.
Helen: (Gasps) You scared me. Is--is this your church?
Priest: It's my parish, yes.
Helen: Right. Right. You guys don't go around owning churches.
Priest: How have you been?
Helen: Good. I'm teaching. Kevin's...doing well. Everybody's ok.
Priest: So why are you here?
Helen: Do I have to have a problem to be here?
Priest: No, of course not. I... it's just a simple question.
Helen: I came here to sit and think about things... god-related.
Priest: Well, that's a good exercise. I'll leave you alone.
Helen: I dreamt about him.
Priest: What did he look like?
Helen: Teenage boy.
Priest: Oh. I haven't had that one.
Helen: So you've dreamed about him, too?
Priest: Yes. He usually looks like the Gordon fisherman. I like boats.
Helen: So... it's however we want to see him.
Priest: Or her.
Helen: But why would I want him to be a teenage boy?
Priest: Well, did he look anything like Kevin? That could be why.
Helen: Look, here's what I really need to know. Um... was it really him, or was it just... a dream?
Priest: I don't know, Helen. I mean, I know what I choose to believe.
Helen: Not Freud?
Priest: (Chuckles) Right. Freud did a lot of cocaine. That doesn't mean he was wrong about everything. It's just... the real question, Helen, is... do you want it to be god?
Helen: (Sighs) And that's all it takes?
Priest: No. That's where it starts.
Back to the race. This is the creepiest bit of the episode.
Man: On your marks... get set... (gun shot)
Price: keep the upper body still.
Joan: (almost being pulled along by Price, she is clearly sick) I don't think I can do this.
Price: Everybody feels like this the first time.
Joan: I'm gonna throw up.
Price: No, no, no, you're not.
The twin gods show up on her right.
Both: I thought I told you to go to the doctor.
Joan: (not evening thinking that shes tied to price and he might think this is weird) Then you told me not to.
God: No, I didn't.
Joan: Yes. Yes! You were the mascot. Then you told me to join the race.
Price: Joan! Joan! Who are you talking to? (His eyes glow a freaky orange and look very weird)
Joan: Are you the devil? Is he the devil? I always knew that he was bad, but...
God: learn to see in the dark. Learn to see in the dark.
Joan has a hard time breathing and then everything looks distorted and she falls to the ground.
After the commercial break, we see a doctor standing above Joan with a flash light, trying to get her to pull out of the sleep. Actually, its not a Doctor, its God. The same god that fixed Joans ankle.
God: Follow the light, Joan.
Joan: (moaning) I don't want to die. I haven't had sex or my own apartment or anything yet. I wanted to try veganism. I had plans.
God: Joan, stay with me here. Thats go to the light. It's a whole other thing.
Joan: (Sits up quick) What's going on?
God: You're in the hospital. The doctor will see you, then you'll know what's wrong.
Joan: Why are you acting so mysterious all of a sudden?
God: I've always been mysterious. Without it, there is no faith... and we love faith.
Joan: Who's faith?
God: Lie down. You're feverish.
Kevin, Luke, Grace and Adam are in the waiting room. Kevin is trying the Cell phone to get one of his parents.
Kevin: Nothing. Unbelievable.
Luke: Mom turns her cell phone off in class. She forgets to turn it back on.
Kevin: Women and technology. What is that?
Grace: It's too early to resort to pack-animal behaviour, dude.
Kevin: What about dad? He's a cop. He's unreachable?
Adam: She thinks I'm gonna dump her.
Luke: Very classy move, dude.
Adam: What?
Luke: Friedman explained it. Oh, yeah. Post-copulatory discard. That's my sister.
Grace: Primates, we are here for Joan. A little restraint.
Luke: So are you dumping her?
Grace: Leave it.
Adam: No. Ok? That's insane. Why would I ever?
Luke: Because you were... you had--
Adam: We didn't have, ok? Not that it's any of your business.
Kevin: (Beeping) Voice mail! Hi, dad. It's Kevin. Joan's at the hospital. She's sick. Call back.
Grace: Should we send for a priest? How do--how do you people do it?
We re-join Helen at the church. She is lighting a candle. This time. The candles are small and red (before they were tall and white) Then Helen gets a feeling. She calls out for her daughter and runs for the hospital.
Meanwhile, Will is also at the hospital. He is going to see the old woman. He walks right by his kids without even seeing them.
Ruth: My mother always said I was too mean to die. I guess she wasn't far off.
Will: Mrs. Washington, I was there when you were shot. You had no heartbeat. I saw you...leave.
Ruth: Let's clear up this Walter business. 'Cause that girl Denise is crazy. She's attacked him with a butcher knife a dozen times. He never calls the police. Says he loves her.
Will: Walter will get his day in court. He'll have a chance to explain.
Ruth: But they won't look for the scars.
Will: What scars?
Ruth: Check his arms, his chest. Knife cuts. They'll be there. She does it every time. I'd feel better if you wrote this down.
Will: I'll remember. So... was there A... tunnel and a light and all that?
Ruth: Are you asking me if I saw god? You don't have to die to do that.
Back at Joans hospital room. She is in bed, just waking up. Little Girl God is sitting at the foot of her bed.
Little Girl God: Feeling better, Joan?
Joan: I feel like I got hit by a hummer.
News Caster God: (From the TV above her bed) That's an appropriate analogy, Joan.
Little Girl God: Drink some water.
Old Lady God: Here you go, dear.
Joan: (Groans) You're here. You're here. You're in TV. How can you all be here?
Old lady god pulls back the curtain and we see the chess master god. (episode 3)
Chess master God: Life's a paradox. It's about holding 2 opposing ideas in your head. Such as: It's only a game, but it's the only game.
Joan: Save it, lord of the rings. What's wrong with me?
News Caster God: You're experiencing a fluctuation in the market.
Little Girl God: You're having a crisis of faith.
Goth Kid God: Dark night of the soul.
Old Lady God: Plus, you're very dehydrated.
Joan: I am so not signed up for this. How--how can you all be here at once?
Goth Kid God: How could we have ever been here, Joan? Maybe that's the question.
Joan: Are you saying I imagined you?
Old Lady God: You've always had a great imagination.
Joan: Is--is--is that what's happening to me? Am I sick? Is that it? (They just look at her) Tell me. Why aren't you saying?
Will stands at the Elevator door in the Hospital.. The elevator opens on both sides and Will sees Helen on the other side. He goes through the elevator.
Helen: What is it?
Will: I don't know.
Helen: Why are you here?
Will: Why are you?
Helen: I had a feeling.
Will: What kind of feeling?
Kevin: (wheeling over) Mom. Dad. Where the hell have you been? I've been calling.
Helen: It's Joan, isn't it?
Luke: The doctor-- he's got the labs.
Back to Joans hospital room
Joan: What's the big idea? I was just walking around minding my own business. You introduced yourself, started dropping in like a bad boyfriend. I do everything that you ask. I--I--I embarrass myself and humiliate myself in...really creative ways. I don't have sex, which I easily could have. I do all of this to make you happy, even though before we met, I didn't even believe in you. And what's my reward? Warts. Barfing. A fever. And now... (Whispering) Silence. Give me something, if you don't mind!
She Throws her head back onto the pillow and we join the doctor in the hall explaining everything to Will and Helen.
Doctor: Lyme disease, caused by a tick bite. Could have been lying dormant in her system for a long time. The rash on her leg gave it away, which is fortunate, because sometimes the rash is overlooked and the symptoms of this disease are misdiagnosed.
Helen: How?
Doctor: It manifests in subtle ways at first. Moodiness, extreme changes in behaviour.
Luke: That's every girl. They're all infected.
Doctor: But later on it becomes more serious. Scattered thinking, lack of concentration, and eventually, aural, even visual hallucinations. Sometimes people are misdiagnosed as being mentally ill.
Grace: This is clearing up a lot for me.
Will: What's the treatment?
Doctor: Uh, a course of antibiotics. We'll start her today, and we'll keep her overnight for observation.
Helen: So you said this could have been in her system for a long time. How long?
Doctor: Months. In some cases, years.
Luke: But all the symptoms will go away, including the crankiness?
Kevin: Yeah, that's like Joan going away.
Doctors: Uh, she'll be herself, whatever she was before.
Adam: Well, I didn't know her before. And I like her now.
Doctor: Mom and dad can see her now.
Adam: How different will she be?
Back to Joans hospital room with the silent gods.
Joan: So this is how it is. Fine, I can sit here all day, too. Hmm. Mm, mm, mm. (Joan sighs) I never liked... any of you. Especially you. (Points to the Goth God) Go on, just leave! Go, ok?! Dump me like Adam did! Please go! (they all leave) Wait. Are you really leaving? You can't just abandon people! (they walk out as Will and Helen come in)
Helen: Honey...how are you?
Joan: Ohh... oh, god.
Helen: Oh, you're still so hot.
Will: I'm sorry you had to be alone all this time, kiddo.
Joan: Alone? Are you kidding me? Those people you saw leaving just now, they've been here the whole time driving me crazy.
Helen: What people?
Joan: The...oh... you walked right past them.
Helen: Ok. Honey...we need to talk. You may have... been imagining some things.
Joan: No, I'm not crazy.
Helen: No, of course not. Just...sick, and you may have been that way for a little while. But you are gonna get well.
Joan: I'm sick?
Helen: Yeah, but it's gonna be ok. I promise.
Joan: It was never real? I've always been sick?
Joan crys us out to the commercial break.
After the break. Will is walking the hospital. He sees Ruth walking as well.
Ruth: Did you see about it?
Will: Mrs. Washington. You shouldn't be up and around.
Ruth: You make sure my son gets a fair case. You look for those scars.
Will: I'm going to the station now. I'll take care of it. But you go back to bed.
Ruth: Thank you.
Will walks off down the hall and the lights turn out all around him.
Back to Joans hospital room. Helen is sitting on the couch in the room. Adam comes in.
Helen: (Softly) Adam, hey. Joan's asleep.
Adam: The others went home. Can I just sit with you?
Helen: Yeah. Hey. Of course. She's gonna be fine.
Adam: You know, I was never gonna dump her. I was avoiding her a little. It got too hard. I got scared.
Helen: Hey, these are intense feelings, Adam. Processing them at your age...
Adam: yeah, but she saw me at the bottom, Mrs. G. Crying and complaining and scared. How's she gonna forget that?
Helen: She won't. And neither will you. It's called a bond.
Back to Will at the station. He is talking to Toni.
Toni: He never filed a complaint against Denise. And some of these knife wounds are years old.
Will: Well, if there's a history of her abusing him, he's got a case for himself.
Toni: Kidnapping and manslaughter won't go away.
Will: Yeah, but he won't get the time he was looking at before. (there is a pause) What manslaughter?
Toni: His mother. She died, Will. Heart attack, right after your interview. Didn't you get my pages? Voice mail?
Will: She couldn't have. I saw her.
Toni: After you interrogated her in the hospital.
Will: No, I saw her in the hallway right before I came here.
Toni: No, you couldn't have. Well, I guess I didn't.
Will is confused and we go back to Joans hospital room. She is just waking up and Adam is there.
Joan: Hey.
Adam: Hey.
Joan: Am I still in the hospital?
Adam: Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna be ok.
Joan: Ohh... I was kind of having a weird dream. Have I been acting crazy lately?
Adam: Not to me.
Joan: Are you dumping me?
Adam: No. No, of course not. I--I just wigged out. I--I've... I've told you things that I've never... I've never told anybody. I mean, there's things in my head, you know, I keep them... to myself and it makes me feel crazy. When I say them to you, though, you know, I don't feel that way anymore. You know? You don't give me that, uh... thousand-yard stare.
Joan: Yeah. The doctors think I'm having these hallucinations because I've been sick.
Adam: Yeah, well, you're gonna get better.
Joan: That's not the point. Something's been happening to me for a long time, and, uh...s-say it out loud to someone I trust.
Adam: Say it to me.
Joan: You have to promise you'll believe me. Oh... [Chuckles] I've been talking to, uh... [Chuckles] I've been talking to... to god.
Adam: In your dreams? (Joan shakes her head) In your head?
Joan: I kind of see him. He just started coming around. He always looks different. Sometimes he's a she. It's scary and... annoying. But the thing is... when I obey... things turn out ok. I mean, I see things. I understand things. I... I feel like I get the point. When I gave you that-- that picture... god told me to give you a gift. I got confused. I thought it was about sex, but... but it turns out, it was... it was just that little gift, and... and when we looked at it... it was like... you and I were going to the same place in our heads Didnt you feel that? (there is a pause) Didn't you? You have to believe me. If you believe me, then... I know it's not crazy, but if you don't... you promised. (he is giving her the thousand yard stair)
Adam: (Takes her hand) I believe... that you believe it. They say the infection, it stays in your system a long time. It makes things look crazy. [Chuckles] You know, sometimes when I'm... when I'm doing my art, I get these... visions... (She is depressed that he doesnt believe her)
Joan: never mind. (she roles over and goes to sleep)
Adam: Jane. I'll see you tomorrow, then? Jane?
He Kisses her on the head and leaves. We see Joan is actually awake. We go to Luke and Grace who are walking down the street.
Grace: You didn't have to walk me. You could have gone with your brother.
Luke: It seemed un-gentlemanly.
Grace: That's not a word.
Luke: Besides, I like walking. You know? Although this is a lot of walking. Uh, do you always walk this much?
Grace: It's how I do my thinking.
Luke: That's why you're so smart.
Grace: I'm not smart.
Luke: Of course not. I... I didn't mean smart. I meant intelligent. They're... not the same thing.
Grace: I like the quiet when I walk.
Luke: Of course. Yeah. Which you're probably missing right now with me talking. Stars.
Grace: Don't mention them.
Luke: No, I--I wasn't going to. You know, it's virtually impossible to see them even in the age of light pollution, you know...
Grace: (Stops walking) why did you give me that rock?
Luke: It's a geode.
Grace: To me it's a rock. Why?
Luke: It was a--a gesture of... friendship. Possibly courtship.
Grace: Courtship? That went out with the corset or the walkman or something.
Luke: I don't follow trends.
Grace: Did you break up with Glynis because of me?
Luke: Of course not. Don't be ridiculous.
Grace: Ok, I won't. Because that would be ridiculous. So let's not go there.
Luke: Right. Why is that ridiculous?
Grace: I'm friends with your sister.
Luke: Right.
Grace: I'm older than you.
Luke: A year. 8 months, actually.
Grace: I have a reputation. I've worked hard to build it. Do you know what my reputation is?
Luke: You hate me?
Grace: I'm anti.
Luke: Ok. Anti what?
Grace: What have you got?
Luke: So you're never gonna fall in love.
Grace: I'm never even gonna fall in like. And I'm certainly not gonna be courted by some rocket-head geek. If it got around school that you were giving me things?
Luke: What do you care what people think? I mean, if you're anti. You know, shouldn't you like the idea of us if you're so anti?
Grace: I'm not that anti.
Luke: Oh, so you're moderately anti.
Grace: Look, geek--
Luke: (he keeps going) and besides, you know, love is irrational. It's like this anesthetic goes off in your brain eliminating all reason so the act of procreation can occur.
Grace: Hey--
Luke: it's a natural state of imbalance built into the whole system. You know? A chemical reaction necessary to the conditions required for darwinistic--
Grace: look, I am not into you. Got it?
Luke: Yeah.
They look at each other. Grace kisses him. He gives in after a second though and kisses back.
Back to Joans hospital room. Will comes into the room. Helen is still sitting on the couch. She was asleep
Helen: Hi.
Will: How's our girl?
Helen: Asleep.
Will: Oh, I had a strange day.
Helen: Mm...we all did.
Will: My pager didn't work. My cell phone blinked out. It's like there's something in the magnetic field. Are there solar flares?
Helen: You'd have to ask Luke.
Will: Joan got sick. You had that...feeling... in a church. It's a weird day.
Helen: What?
Will: Why were you in a church?
Helen: Because I had that dream. And... I don't know. I guess I believe in God.
Will: It's a guessing thing? You don't have to sign up for sure?
Helen: Here's what I think. You decide... to put your toe in the water, so you go in a little at a time, and sometimes you come all the way out 'cause it doesn't feel right, but the water is always there.
Will: Why is the water so hard to understand?
Helen: That I don't know.
Will: Why is it being so mean to us?
Helen: I was talking to a priest today. I'm telling you now. I--wasn't gonna hide it. Do you want to hear what a priest said?
Will: Was it a handsome priest?
Helen: (Laughs) Not as handsome as you.
Will: Go on.
Helen: He said that we go through times on consolation and desolation. Consolation is when... things are flowing, and everything makes sense, and... you feel connected, and... you're aware that god is present and... has plans for you, maybe... even likes you a little bit. You remember that?
Will: Sometimes.
Helen: Desolation is the other thing. When you are... scared... and confused and alone and out of step, and your cell phone doesn't work, and... your daughter gets sick, and... the cops come to the door and say there's been an accident. God... retreats, and... you're left with your own thoughts, and those thoughts are...dark. There are answers there. He told me. And strength.
Will: How long does desolation last?
Helen: As long as it needs to.
Joan: (She has been awake) He isn't real.
Helen: (goes over to the bed with Will) What, honey?
Joan: You're talking about god. He isn't real.
Helen: You get some sleep now.
Joan roles over again and goes back to sleep. Helen and Will go to sleep on the couch.
The cute Guy God comes over to Joan. He stands by her bed. Looks deep at her. Puts his hand on her head and blesses her with his thumb (think ash Wednesday)
He leaves the room and the camera travels out Joans window to the star filled sky above.
Fade to black on Season One!
The end.
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