The Election, fifth episode of the season, begins with Joan, Adam, Luke and Grace standing “outside” a group of lockers.
Adam - (To Joan) Your mom finally got my work to the dean of the graphic arts department at state college, and he said I'm good enough for the professional program, but...
Joan - well, at least one of us has a future.
There is a banging on the lockers. Luke turns his head to talk to the Locker.
Luke - Locksmith's on his way, Friedman, just hang in there.
Friedman - (From “inside“ the locker) Dude, you said that 5 minutes ago when there was oxygen in here!
Adam - Nah, that's not gonna happen. I mean, the night classes are like, 500 bucks a credit.
Joan - They must have scholarships. You're brilliant. The dean guy even said so.
Adam - I don't know. No scholarships for the arts. Budgets cuts. I mean, it's so lame.
Friedman - (bangs on locker again) Hello? Starting to cramp here.
Joan - (Shouts at the locker) Friedman, stop complaining!
Friedman - Who's complaining? I'm just mentioning.
Then they are interrupted by a boy handing out flyers. He is Elizabeth Goetzman’s campaign manager, far as I can tell. His name is Billy.
Billy - Elizabeth Goetzmann. You loved her in Godspell, now, she's ready for the role of a lifetime.
Elizabeth - (Following Billy closely) Hey, you guys, vote for me, all right, or I will die! (Hands Adam a flyer) Here you go!
Adam - Uh... (but she leaves before he can even get a word out.)
Elizabeth: (Continuing down the hall) Hey, guys!
Billy - You loved her in godspell. Now she's ready for the role of a lifetime.
Joan - Adam, I'm really sorry.
Adam - Well, I'll just have to wait around for college like everyone else.
Down the halls, there is a group of Jock boys. Larz Klosterman, Donny and Doug.
Luke - Ah. The Neanderthals that did this.
Boy (Don‘t know if it was Donny or Doug) - (Laughs) Vote Lars, ok, guys?
Friedman - Please! Anybody!
Locksmith God - (From season 1) Oh, sorry I'm late. File cabinet crisis in the biology lab.
Joan - So? (meaning that she wondered why God would let Friedman suffer in the Locker rather then let the file cabinet stay jammed)
God - Oh, relax. These lockers are surprisingly well-ventilated. (Hands her a bunch of flyers) I think you dropped these.
Joan - Oh, so the supreme being cares about student council elections? It's not like some kid is gonna invade a country.
God - I care about anything that involves free will.
Joan - Most people exercise their free will by not voting.
God - You have a chance to make a difference here.
He leaves her with a wave, she is just standing there with the flyers. A girl comes up and gives her a button that says Vote for Lars. She looks towards where God walked off with a pained look on her face. We cut to opening credits.
When we return, we are with Kevin and Will at the court house.
Kevin - There he is, Arcadia's finest.
Will - Hey, what's the good word?
Kevin - Oh, uh, Jenny Leder is angry that her neighbour's dog Clyde poops on her lawn every day, and I am here to make sure that the good people of Arcadia read about it in detail. What brings you down here?
Will - Testifying, which pretty much means hanging around waiting.
Kevin - Oh, good, then, uh, you can help me. Paper's doing a profile on your new boss. You care to toss me a few tidbits?
Will - (With a harsher voice) All I know is she got rid of roebuck.
Kevin - Whoa. Your voice just totally changed.
Will - What?
Kevin - I went from son to evil press guy in like, a second.
Will - I'm sorry. Roebuck leaving is still a little fresh. I'm going to check in with the A.D.A. Be good.
To the high school cafeteria. Joan is sitting with Judith and Grace. They are looking at the flyers.
Joan - Elizabeth Goetzman. (Elizabeth is a drama student who is going way overboard with the acting and singing)
Judith - Needs elephant tranquilizers.
Joan - (She flips to a new flyer) Rick Jenkins?
Judith - Acne factory.
Joan - Brian Beaumont.
Grace - Isn't he the scuzz-crack who fired you from yearbook?
Joan - Oh, yeah.
Judith - Ugh. Is he kidding, with the argyle sweater? Oh, god. Pants riding up, argyle socks, too? (Like in a bad horror movie) Oh, my eyes! My eyes!
Grace - Why are you even thinking of this? Everyone knows it's gonna be Lars Klosterman.
Judith - Oh, could he be any hotter?
Grace - Please. Mr. Prom king is operating on, like, 2 brain cells.
Judith - And a whole lot of pheromones.
Joan - Ha ha.
Grace - Why this sudden involvement with the system, Girardi? Do you even know what student council does?
Joan - Yeah. They planned crazy hair day.
Judith - You could stop using conditioner and save yourself a lot of grief.
Joan - Look, someone's gonna win, and it's...it's gonna make a difference.
Grace - What, they're suddenly have the power to banish people?
Joan - Well, no, because... because, look, you know, every voice is different, and when they're counted, it matters. Somehow. Don't ask so many questions.
Grace - Dude, you've been a cog in the machine too long. I am voting for E. Fudd like I do every year. (She gets up to leave)
Before we go, I wonder why Grace is all of a sudden calling everyone Dude, when last year she spent the better part of Episode 4 telling Adam NOT to call her dude.. Just Funny.
We cut to the sheriffs officer. Ms. Preston is answering email, I think. Will knocks and comes in.
Will - You wanted to see me?
Preston - Yeah. I just sending down orders to the foot soldiers so they can stay on their feet.... done. Sorry. (Will is looking at the pictures of golf courses on her walls.) That's the sixth hole at wade Hampton, par 3. Fabulous. St. Andrew's, Scotland. You play?
Will - If I could find the time.
Preston - I have to find the time. It keeps me sane, but then, I don't have a family.
Will - (wants to get the small talk over with) You wanted something?
Preston - Yeah, look, I know that Roebuck was a friend of yours, and if I were you, I'd probably resent the hell out of me for taking his job.
Will - I don't think that way.
Preston - Good. I'd like to explain to you how I work. I'm a numbers person, organizational by nature. 8 years old, I used to organize all my doll outfits by colour and pattern. (Will is silent) Right, so, as it stands, we keep a record of every criminal incident, whether it leads to an arrest or not, so what I'd like to do is record only the incidents that lead to an arrest.
Will - So our success rate goes up. I'm a numbers person, too.
Preston - So you can see where I'm going with this. So we can show the city council some positive results and--
Will - And suddenly, you're a genius and roebuck looks incompetent.
Preston - No, it's just about presenting the stats in a more positive way so the city council will give us what we want.
Will - I understand. I just wouldn't feel right about it.
Preston - (as Will leaves) Don't make me pull rank, will. I hate working that way.
Will - (Leaves and closes the door a little harder then he would normally) I'll keep that in mind.
Cut to the high school again. Luke is sitting on the steps and Grace is looking out a window in their stair well. Nice to see she is at least being seen in public with him now.
Grace - Dude, your sister is looking to support the corrupt political system at arcadia high, which is totally symptomatic of the larger--
Luke - are we ever gonna talk about your mom?
Grace - No.
Luke - Grace, you IM'd me that your mom's an alcoholic. I know you want to talk about it.
Grace - (After a long while) I--I just wanted you to know.
She is looking teary again. She picks up her bag and leaves. In another stair well, Adam is drawing as Joan walks in.
Joan - [Laughs] Cool.
Adam - Yeah, Aaron, the lead singer of manic Toolhead asked me to do a drawing for their new CD.
Joan - It looks just like him... if he was a screwdriver. (she picks up a pamphlet he was holding) This is the graphics art program you were talking about? You've been working at that hotel for months. Haven't you saved anything? Maybe they'd take a down payment.
Adam - No, no. My dad needs new glasses and the sink leaks and...
Brian - (interrupting them) Hey, do you folks have a minute?
Joan - I'm not a "folk." My name is Joan. You fired me, remember, from yearbook because you're a scuzz-crack?
Brian - Ah, yes. Joan. Um, I guess you're probably not interested in reading my mission statement?
Joan - You have a mission? Hmph.
Brian - Absolutely. (Looking at Adam’s art) Excellent draftsmanship, by the way. Phillips head, right?
Adam - Uh, yeah.
Brian - Excellent. (Hands them each a stack of paper) I have got a 6-point plan with key features like student tutoring, peer counselling, and a radical re-examination of standardized testing.
Joan - (flipping through the pages) Are there cliff notes for this?
Brian - I trust you'll find it quite compelling. I know recent polls show me at 11%, with Lars Klosterman running at 54%, but I'm optimistic Arcadia voters want a candidate who's gonna make a difference. (Joan gets this “OH.. That’s what God wants” look on her face and the shot goes to two girls walk by. Brian goes off to pester them) Could I take a minute of your time? 30 seconds?
Time for art class.
Helen - Wow, I’m excited here. I asked you guys to stretch yourselves creatively, and you did. I've decided to display your pieces for the rest of the month so the whole school can see them. Gina, your memory piece... and, Adam, the lost boy, and, Annie, you took the tragic death of your little sister's gerbil and you turned it into... well...
Annie - mama said there'd be days like this.
Helen - Upsetting, ridiculous, and strangely sad. (Darlene has her hand up) Yes, Darlene?
Darlene - I don't understand why it's art.
Helen - Right, you said so yesterday.
Darlene - Well, that was a living creature. You can't just dip it in shellac and use it like it's a thing.
Annie - What was I supposed to do? Not shellac it and let it rot?
Darlene - I just mean that it's disrespectful... to life. It's...it's wrong.
Helen - Well, you're entitled to your opinion. Thank you.
Later, outside in the halls. Elizabeth is joined by Billy and a few others. She is singing at the top of her lungs in the tune of America the Beautiful. They are handing out flyers as they sing.
Elizabeth - Oh, oh beautiful Arcadia, the school that we all love. From English class to Drama club. I will (She interrupts her song to give Judith and Joan a flyer)--hey, there! Thanks so much for your vote. It means oodles to me. (Back to the song) Serve you well. Arcadia, Arcadia you have to vote for me. You know you should you know...
Joan and Judith continue to walk and the next scene is outside.. Where Lars is pushing his own vote. He is standing near the door with a bag full of candy bars.
Lars - vote for Lars. Vote for Lars. Vote for Lars. (To Judith) Hey, would you like a Lars bar?
Judith - Oh, yeah.
Joan - Do--do you have a mission statement or anything?
Lars - (Walking away) Vote for Lars. Mission statement? Hah. (Judith is googly eyed for him, but Joan continues)
Joan - Yeah, You know, like, policies or philosophy?
Lars - Vote for Lars. Look, this is student council, not France.
Judith - Ha ha!
Joan - Yeah, but you are planning on making things better, right?
Judith - (Flirting) Well, you said you were gonna replace those nasty snack machines by the gym.
Lars - Hey, you listened to my speech.
Judith - Oh, you bet your buns, Lover boy.
Joan - All right, the snack machines aren't really gonna make things better.
Lars - (getting tired of this) Fine. Don't vote for me. (To a group of girls gathered) Ladies, hey, would you like a Lars bar?
He leaves and Judith is making silent “PLEASE let me go with him” motions. Joan gives her the hitch-hiking thumb, meaning, “go, its ok.” She looks up the stairs and sees Doug and Donny giving Brian a hard time. They are throwing his flyers and statements on the ground. A boy with Long-ish blond hair, an army jacket and a guitar comes down the stairs. (Think Oldest Hanson).
Joan - (To the boy who stops beside her) Oh, I can't watch. It's too horrible.
God - Multiply that by 6 billion and you'll know what I go through every day.
Joan - Can't you, like, smite them or something? Look!
God - People don't need any help with the smiting.
Joan - Yeah, but, look, those guys should have, like, claws and little horns and pointy tails...
God - I get it, Joan. Some people choose to be bullies, and others write mission statements.
Joan - You want me to support Brian? (God walks off with a wave) A little more guidance, please! No wonder people don't vote. [Joan exhales]
Joan goes to help Brian pick up his papers.
Joan - [Sighs] If you really want to win, lose the argyle.
Cut to a commercial break. When we return, it is later that evening. Joan has fallen asleep in the den. There is a knock on the door. The door bell rings. (Joan wakes up) more knocking. Then knocking again. Joan goes to the door. She looks though the window and sees its Adam. She opens the door.
Joan - Hi.
Adam - I didn't wake you up, did I?
Joan - (Rubbing her eyes.) No, definitely not.
Adam - I just needed to talk.
Joan - Um... about what?
Adam - Page 43.
Joan - Oh. Ha. Yeah, well, I kinda drifted off after page 8.
Adam - Oh, ok, well, I was looking through it, and he has a proposal for a math/science program, and it pays for outside classes. If you commit to working in a related field after graduation.
Joan - Ok, well, don't you think you'd be kinda miserable teaching algebra, you know, with the pocket protectors and...
Adam - no, no, no. I'm talking about art, Jane. I mean, a program like this could pay for my classes! You know, Brian's sort of geeky, so maybe he just didn't think about art.
Joan - [Whispers] He really is the one.
Adam - (didn’t hear her) I mean, if something like this worked out, maybe I can make money from my art, you know, just quit the hotel. I know I shouldn't get all stoked about something like this, but I--I... (Joan gives him the warmest hug) wha--what was that for?
Joan - Because you're happy. I haven't seen you like this in a while.
Adam - I should run. Um, it's my night to shampoo the lobby.
Joan - Yeah. Bummer.
Adam - Naw, it's ok. I'm gonna shampoo in concentric circles, make pop art you can walk on.
Joan - Good night.
Adam - Thanks. Good night.
She closes the door with a big smile on her face. The next day in Helen’s art class. Principle Chadwick just came in.
Chadwick - You're actually displaying a dead animal in your classroom?
Helen - It's a conceptual art piece.
Chadwick - Darlene Fitch's parents called the school. It's an affront to their religious beliefs.
Helen - What religious beliefs?
Chadwick - Who knows? Just put the thing away.
Helen - Y-you're ordering me to put away a student's art work?
Chadwick - A dead gerbil is art?
Helen - Why not? Damien Hirst hung a dead cow in the Tate modern.
Chadwick - Oh, so the next time I run over a dog on my way to school, I'm van Gogh?
Helen - Do you often run over dogs on your way to school?
Chadwick - Helen, just get rid of the thing before we get sued.
Helen - Uh, you can't tell me what to display just because it might offend someone. Sometimes art offends. If it didn't, we'd be left with clown paintings and Elvis on velvet. If they have a problem, tell Darlene's parents to call me!
Helen leaves. In the hallway. Joan is talking to Brian. Adam is putting up a poster he made of Brian. Kind of like his pop art piece.
Brian - Excellent, most excellent.
Joan - So you'll find him an art scholarship?
Brian - Oh, I--I don't really know anything about arts funding.
Joan - But you can find out because you're the one who makes a difference. It says so right here.
Adam - Jane, if he doesn't know...
Joan - uh-uh. Posters. Focus. (Adam leaves to hang more posters)
Brian - Scholarship-wise, I just don't know if art is on anyone's radar anymore.
Joan - What? Look at those posters. Look. How can you say art isn't on anyone's radar? Look.
Brian - I guess I could call a few organizations.
Joan - That's right. Tell them you're El Presidente. Work it. Work it, Brian.
Brian - But I'm not president.
Joan - (Handing out a flyer) Hi. Vote for Beaumont. Well, you will be. Trust me. (Another flyer) Hi. Vote for Beaumont.
Walking in from down the hall.. it’s the singers. They are now singing in the tune of The saints go marching in.
“...Elizabeth Goetzman.
I will represent Arcadia and ever-y person.
you will not regret if I'm elected president”
The next bit is funny. Joan joins in the singing.. In her own tune, (Sweet Land of Liberty) with her own message. The others don’t seem to notice for a while.
Joan - My Beaumont 'tis of thee,
Sweet presidente.
He's got my vote.
He's got the mission statement.
It's 48 pages long.
From every classroom vote Brian Beaumont...
Then Elizabeth and Joan have a sing off. Joan sings “my Beaumont 'tis of thee sweet presidente. he's got my vote.”, as Elizabeth sings her song.
The girls get RIGHT into each others faces. Joan sings louder but more off key. Very funny.
Cut to the court house again where Will and Kevin are talking.
Will - Kev, you got a minute?
Kevin - Sure. Something wrong?
Will - You know that story the paper's doing on Lucy Preston?
Kevin - Yeah.
Will - Well, I know she's pretty popular and friends with the publisher and stuff, but if you hear anything, if questions come up...
Kevin - what have you heard?
Will - Nothing. It's just that she plays it so close to the vest, I just want to know who I'm dealing with. (Kevin sighs) What?
Kevin - You've never asked me to help you with anything before.
Will - Get used to it, 'cause one day, you'll be feeding me applesauce in a nursing home.
At the high school, Joan is handing out flyers.
Joan - I know this election seems really stupid and pointless and all the candidates seem like interchangeable idiots, but...
Grace - (To Judith) are you sure she didn't get shock therapy over the summer?
Judith - No. She signed up for arts and crafts instead.
Adam - (Adam gives her a peck on the cheek) Hey.
Joan - Hey. Hang on.
Adam - (To Judith and Grace) Hey, you know, she's really doing an amazing job. Brian's already up in the polls.
Judith - Another brain lost to love.
Joan - Hi. Vote for Beaumont. Thanks for your support.
Grace - Could you maybe do this with a bag over your head?
Joan - I'm gonna change things around here, Grace. (To Judith) Are you eating a Lars bar?
Judith - Keep your hair on. I'm only eating it for the chocolate. And the possibility of meaningless groping with the candidate.
Joan - (Handing out more flyers to students) Hi. Vote for Beaumont. (Spots Luke with Friedman, who is still trying to memorize Hamlet) Oh! Luke. Luke. Take this.
Luke - Joan. You've already given me like--
Joan - (Shoving it into his hands) take the damn thing. I'm creating a ground swell.
Friedman - Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
Judith - Friedman, tell me you're not actually memorizing hamlet.
Luke - I told him you were just joking about the date.
Friedman - In jest, truth is found, and found in truth, jest.
Joan - (To another student, but we don‘t see) Hi. Vote for Beaumont. Please? (Friedman and Luke walk off, Grace is shortly behind)
Friedman - Act 2, scene 3. Fire up those lips, baby.
Grace - Talk to the freak, dude. This is humiliating, even for him.
Luke - Apparently, I no longer have the language for it.
Grace - What exactly do you think Judith is gonna do when you've memorized hamlet?
Friedman - More things in heaven and earth, Grace-io, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
They continue down the Halls when Donny and Doug stop them and take Brian’s statement out of Luke’s hands.
Donny - Hey, what's that you've got there? "Brian Beaumont. A mission statement." Carrying this might not be too good for your health.
Grace - (Standing up to the bullies) You can't possibly be this much of a nimrod, right?
Luke - Leave it alone, Grace.
Doug - [Mocking voice] Leave it alone, Grace.
Grace - They're not gonna do anything. These losers have some archaic code where they'd never hit a girl.
Doug - Yeah, as if you're a girl.
Doug shoves Grace into the wall behind them. Luke shoves Doug into the opposite wall, (Just as hard, I might add) and then Donny grabs Luke by the back pack and throws him into the wall beside Grace. Donny and Doug leave, but Grace has a smile on her face and I get the feeling that she is resisting the urge to kiss him or hug him. (They are, after all, still in the school hall way)
Grace - That was beautiful, dude.
They both laugh about it, Luke smiling, Grace smiling.
We cut to Helen’s Art Class. Helen is just coming in. Annie is sitting at her empty desk.
Annie - Why'd they take it? You said they wouldn't take it.
Mr. Fitch - (Two adults walk into the class room from the back. It feels out of place to have them there) Mrs. Girardi? Craig Fitch. This is my wife, Teri. We just wanted to explain why we had Mr. Chadwick remove the dead animal.
Helen - Could we talk about this privately? (They go into the halls. Darlene is there with her parents. Adam Stands by the door inside the class to over hear the conversation) You had my student's work removed without talking to me first?
Mrs. Fitch - A dead animal is not a student's work.
Mr. Fitch - In a culture of violence, do we need our schools sending out the message that death is a joke?
Helen - And what message does censorship send?
Mr. Fitch - I am not trying to shut down some art gallery here. This is a school, which my tax dollars fund.
Adam - Oh, so you get to decide what has value and what doesn't? You people are the reason why there's no money for the arts. Thanks, Darlene, really.
Helen - That's enough, Adam. Go back in the class. (To the Fitch Family) Well, you have made your position very clear. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to start class.
She walks back in, and Mr. And Mrs. Fitch lead their daughter away.
Outside, Joan is handing out more flyers.
Joan - Beaumont! Beaumont, he's dressing better. Vote Beaumont. He's dressing better, a lot better.
Judith - Save it, Jo-Jo.
Joan - Vote Beaumont.
Judith - No one's gonna vote for a guy whose dad is in jail.
Joan - What are you talking about? Vote Beaumont.
Judith - That's the rumour the Lars propaganda factory is spreading.
Joan - But that can't be true. Vote Beaumont.
Judith - Every kid in school'll think it by the end of the day. What does it matter if it's true or not?
Joan - Well, it just does. Doesn't it?
Judith - Look, this is war. You're not a wartime consiglieri, Jo-Jo. Ok. Been watching
the godfather on cable. Come on, I'll buy you a Lars bar.
Joan - No. I can't.
Joan goes to find Brian. She finds him in the Boys bathroom.
Joan - They're lying about you.
Brian - (She caught him with his fly down, he is embarrassed) This is the men's room.
Joan - I don't have time for gender issues, Brian. They're trying to smear you. They're spreading crazy lies about your dad.
Brian - I heard. A friend of Lars started it.
Student - (He comes into use the bathroom) Oh...
Joan - hey! We're holding a cabinet meeting here. (the boy leaves and Joan goes back to Brian) [Exhales] So, what are you gonna do?
Brian - Nothing.
Joan - Oh... (She puts her head against the wall in frustration)
Brian - It's not a lie. My dad is in jail. He broke into somebody's house and stole some stuff.
Joan - Your dad, really?
Brian - I barely see him. He only comes around for money. It was in my school files. Someone broke into the records. Now you know. Now everyone knows. So, I'll quit the race.
Joan - No! No.
Brian - You know what happened when I told my mother that everyone knew? She started crying, blaming herself for ruining my life.
The same student comes in with a very painful look on his face.
Joan - Do you mind?
Boy - (in a strained voice) But I really have to pee.
Joan - Use the bushes.
The boy whimpers but leaves and Joan goes back to Brian.
Joan - Look, you can't quit. I mean, I don't even like you, and I still know that we need you. If you quit, they'll win.
Brian - You really believe in me, huh?
Joan - Yeah! Yeah. I guess I do. And I also believe that it's our mission to throw some dirt right back at them.
She starts to leave, but then stops as she gets an overwhelming sniff of the men’s room.
Joan - Ugh, boys are animals.
She leaves the room and we cut to a commercial.
The next scene starts as Joan approaches the Guitar playing God.
Joan - Shouldn’t you be playing the Violin?
God - [Strums guitar] Huh? Violin.
Joan - Fiddling while Rome burns? Didn't you take history?
God - I created history.
Joan - How can you just sit here and rock out? Everybody in school knows about Brian's dad.
God - Some people do whatever it takes to win.
Joan - You think I'm not trying? You don't think I wanna win? What else am I supposed to do?
She storms off and leaves God to play the guitar. The next scene takes place in the cafeteria. Brian is doing his best to hand out flyers.
Brian - Brian Beaumont. Brian Beaumont.
Luke - (sitting a little ways away at a table, talking to Grace and Joan) We need Brobdingnagian. (Confused look on Grace and Joan’s faces) Huge. The latest polls don't look good.
Joan - Well, they will if we find something on Lars. Whatever it takes. It's the only way to beat these guys.
Grace - A horse's head always works.
Joan - I thought you were the poster girl for apathy.
Luke - She was hit by a wave of school spirit.
Joan - And she told you? (Grace takes a big long drink from her coffee to hide her face.)
Luke - I gleaned it.
Judith comes to the table, followed by Friedman.
Judith - Hey, ok. I think I have something.
Friedman - Yes, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
Judith - Get a grip, Friedman. Here's the dealio. No secret I've been hanging around Lars. He was wearing those low pants, tight T... anyway, I saw him walk into the school counsellor's office.
Joan - Uh, heh. Hello? We go to the school counsellor.
Judith - Because they make us after crazy camp. No one ever voluntarily sees Mr. Dingle.
Grace - Trouble in paradise.
Judith - I'm thinking maybe addicted to pain killers.
Joan - Steroid abuse.
Grace - Can't spell his name.
Brian - Vote for Beaumont.
Male student - Bite me! (The boy pushes Brian)
Joan - Look, we have to find out. This is about good and evil. (Brian sits down at their table and Joan points at him as she says her next line) And good is gonna kick ass.
There is a short scene next.
Helen is in the schools office. She knocks on the door, but no one is there. She sees Annie’s art project on the counter. Goes over to it and picks it up. The gerbil falls off.
Helen really doesn’t want to touch it but she picks it up by the tail and puts it in the cage.
She leaves the room with the project.
Then we go to Kevin and Will standing in the halls of the court house.
Kevin - I hate to say it, but everyone speaks very highly of her. Graduated summa cum laude from Annapolis. Joined the police academy after her father's death in 1984, again, head of her class.
Will - She was in New Orleans before, right? That place has been corrupt for years.
Kevin - She got a commendation from the city. What is it about her? You having trouble working for a woman?
Will - What? No. She's just slid into roebuck's job so easily, and now she's trying to change the way we do B (Turns around to see Preston coming into the hallway)... business.
Preston - (to Kevin) Hi. Lucy Preston. (She shakes his hand) You must be will's son.
Kevin - Kevin.
Preston - It's a pleasure. (She hands him a stack of files) It's all here. Indexed and alphabetized. News clippings, commendations, recommendations, job assessments, one guy trashed me, but I think it's only because I crushed him at golf. I've also included the name and phone number of my last boyfriend, who I'm still on good terms with if you wanna get into the personal side of things. And if there's anything else that you'd like, just… (more directed at Will) ask.
Will - W-we were just talking. He's doing research for the paper.
Preston - If I was in your position, I would've made the same call, will. If we trusted everybody, we'd be lousy cops, wouldn't we? Ha. Aren't you testifying?
Will - At 2:00. I was just on my way in.
Preston - Oh, good. Then I'll see you back at the office. (To Kevin) And I'll look forward to reading your article. Maybe you can make me sound tall.
She is a little short. Kevin and Will give each other a look and we cut to the art class where Helen is helping Annie put her project back the way it was.
Helen - So that's just the way you had it, right?
Annie - Yes. Ok. It looks fine.
Helen - (She turns around to see Darlene standing in the door looking at the project) Darlene, I went to the board, and I discussed Annie's piece with them, and they agreed with me that it's unacceptable to censor students in the classroom, so Annie's work will be displayed here all week. If you find that offensive, you could spend class in the library.
Darlene - I just came here to tell you that I'm dropping art. You're always saying that it's important to listen, but you didn't. You just treated me and my parents like we were idiots.
Helen - Oh, Darlene, I--
Darlene - I used to wanna be an artist. I guess I'm not allowed in the club.
She takes her project and leaves the room. Helen goes over to look at her now empty art stand. Leave the class and go to the hall where Joan and Judith are discussing what to do about the election.
Judith - I say we break into Dingle's after school and steal the Lars' file.
Joan - Doesn't that seem a little unethical?
Judith - Fine. Michael Corleone thought he was above it all, too.
Joan - I just don't know.
Judith - Fine. What's an ethical way to get the dirt?
Joan - Oh, we should follow him.
Judith - Oh, highly ethical. I hear Mother Teresa used to tail people all the time. (They get Lars in their sights and start to follow him)
Joan - Well, at least we-- (The quickly turn around as Lars starts to look their way.)
Lars - (To his friends) see you guys, later.
Joan - At least we won't have to share a cell with Brian's dad.
Lars turns the corner and the girls follow him but then stop and go back because he stoped at his locker. The girls peek around the corner. Then they way casually towards him and duck into a class room. Again they look at him from around the corner. He is standing at his locker, looking into a mirror.
Judith - He’s so in love with himself.
Joan - So, this is what the popular kids do in their free time.
Judith - (Taking out her phone which also can take pictures, she aims it at Lars) Ah, the devil's in the details.
He goes to the vending machine. The girls pop their heads up to see out of a window in a class room. Then they duck back down and Judith sticks the camera up to take another picture. He takes a bite of his sandwich… The girls poke their heads out from around a corner. Then they pull them back and Judith again sticks out her arm with the camera and takes a picture.
Then in an empty class room, Lars is working on some studies when His phone rings. Joan and Judith are standing in the window of the class room, peeping through horizontal blinds.
Lars - (To phone) Hello
Judith - He gets a call like that about 5 times a day.
Lars - (To phone) Yeah. Where are you?
Judith - It's either his girlfriend or his dealer.
Lars - (To phone) Ok. Yeah, I'll come.
Lars leaves, followed again by Judith and Joan. He goes to what I think is a parking Lot. It is down a hill from the road. He goes into a small cut out of the hill which is lined with cement. The girls are above him on the hill, and have a perfect shot down into the cut out.
Lars is there with another boy.
Joan - [Talking in a whisper] Oh... That's teddy marks. Total drug dealer.
Judith - Ok, hand over the drugs. (She gets her camera phone out.)
Teddy - (To Lars) I missed you (He touches his face)
Joan and Judith both look stunned. The boys start to kiss and Judith snaps a picture. Her camera makes a noise to say it got the picture. The boys look up and see them there.
Teddy - Whoa.
Lars - Whoa.
Joan - (Hitting Judith on the arm) Go, go, go, go, go, go.
They get up and run.
Lars leaves the cut out and Teddy just looks up to where the girls used to be. Fade out and go to commercial. Back in the Cafeteria, Joan and Judith are getting their lunch.
Judith - His hair, those arms. I even liked his ears. He was gonna be my new year's resolution.
Joan - Guess you'll have to fall back on calling your grandma more often. Look, we need to focus.
Judith - All right. Mass I-M-ing.
Joan - Too techie.
Judith - Right. We have to weapon-ize the information into the most lethal form possible. Maybe we go simple, the rumour.
Joan - No. He'll just deny it, and if people think we made it up, we could get some serious blow-back.
Judith - We're pretty much destroying a guy by pandering to homophobic bigots. Isn't blow-back a risk we're gonna have to take?
Joan - (To the cashier at the end of the lunch line, Joan is buying Judith’s too) Together, please.
Judith - Oh, thanks. (To the cashier) Thank you.
Joan - No. We need cover. If things go bad, we need plausible deniability. Wow. Who knew social studies would come in so handy?
Judith - Anonymous flyers. With a picture from my video.
Joan - We are so good at this.
Judith - Yeah, we are.
Cut to a stair well where Donny and Doug are drawing Prison cell bars over the pictures of Brian on Adam’s posters. Adam spots them.
Adam - Hey! Hey, don't mess with my artwork, man.
Dough - Do you wanna die?
Adam - What, it's not enough you talk trash about his family? You don't get a big enough charge out of that, huh? (Donny grabs Adam’s shirt and they start to push each other.)
Lars - (breaking up the fight) Hey! Hey! Forget it. Forget it. Forget it.
The bullies leave, and Adam looks down to see Brian was standing there all along but didn’t have the guts to stick up for himself.
Adam takes the poster down, then another, and crumples them up.
Next scene, Grace is pinning up fresh posters over the ones that were crossed out. Luke is helping.
Luke - You know, statistically, this last campaign thrust has less than a 13% chance of success.
Grace - You realize I don't understand half of what you say.
Luke - Right.
Grace - (After a long pause) When I was 11, my friend Becky Coogan slept over. We went downstairs in the morning for breakfast. My mom's was going to make us pancakes. (Look turns to look at her) She was still passed out on the kitchen floor from the night before. Becky never talked to me after that. (Grace, with a sad look, starts with the posters again) Becky was cool. You would've liked her.
Later, the campaign is almost over. Everyone is trying to get people to vote.
Elizabeth - O beautiful Arcadia...
Lars - Lars your man. Vote for Lars. Hey, vote Lars. Vote for Lars. Vote Lars.
Brian - Brian Beaumont, he's gonna make some changes. I'm going to make changes, ok? Only 6 more hours. Don't forget to vote. Vote for Beaumont. Vote for Brian Beaumont. Beaumont for president. Making a difference. Vote for Brian Beaumont for president.
Arcadia... making a difference.
Luke - (Bringing a crossed out poster to Brian, who has been Joined by Judith and Joan) Have you seen these?
Joan - Yeah. Put the new ones over those.
Luke - Right.
Brian - So, any news on nuking Klosterman?
Judith - The missiles are in the silos. We're just waiting for the launch codes.
Brian - Excellent. What'd you find?
Joan - All in good time, Mr. President. You help Luke with the posters, I'll get the pink paper from the Art Room.
Brian - Right.
Judith - Vote Beaumont.
The next scene is back at the sheriffs office. Will is talking to Preston.
Will - The picture of you with the governor, very impressive.
Preston - That was a long evening. That man can't talk about anything but himself.
Will - I've thought about what you asked me to do. Changing the stats. And I'm just not comfortable with it. And I'm prepared to take the consequences if you can't handle that.
Preston - Even if the consequences are that Carlisle will be laid off?
Will - What?
Preston - He has the least seniority. The force has serious cash flow problems.
Will - Every department does.
Preston - You remember Bill Harriman?
Will - I was the one who had to call his wife when he got shot.
Preston - We should've been able to send another car that night, but we couldn't because we didn't have one, and he died. This is not about buffing my image. I don't wanna be like the other departments. I want the money. And if looking at the data a little differently helps us to get that, then I think we owe that to Harriman and Carlisle and everybody else we work with.
Will - You like dealing with things on your own terms, don't you?
Preston - That's how I get things done. And that's what they pay me for, isn't it? [Telephone rings] Preston. (To Will) I gotta take this.
He leaves the room as Preston continues her conversation. Then we go back to Joan who is in the Art room. Helen is there too.
Joan - Hey. I need pink paper. I figure I could get it here.
Helen - Oh. Sure. Ok. Uh, how's the campaign going?
Joan - Eww! (She looked at Annie‘s art) Uh, I'm gonna destroy Lars Klosterman. Brian will win.
Helen - You have to destroy Lars to do it?
Joan - There are no victories without casualties. The important thing is to win. (Helen is just standing with her hands on the paper on the shelf, but not giving it to Joan) Mom, the paper.
Helen - But what's winning?
Joan - When you get your way and the other people don't. Can I please have the paper? (Helen is feeling bad about Darlene and the whole censorship versus Beliefs problem) Mom? Are you ok? You look inches away from waterworks.
Helen - Darlene Fitch quit art today. Because of me. And, uh, that stupid Gerbil.
Joan - Freaky. I'm sorry.
Helen - I was so obsessed with being right, with getting my own way. It wasn't that I wanted to hurt her, I didn't even think about her. This righteous feeling came over me and she was in my way. She's a sweet, decent person, and I hurt her in a way she'll probably never forget.
Joan’s look goes from victory to disappointment. Back out in the hall way. Brian and Judith are handing out flyers.
Brian - My 6-point plan will reallocate student funds from frivolous activities.
Donny - Bite me!
Judith - vote Beaumont.
Brian - Vote Beaumont.
Judith - Vote Beaumont.
Joan - Hey.
Judith - Where's the paper?
Joan - I'm calling it off. The whole thing, it's off.
Brian - The missiles are in the silos. Why is Lars seeing the school counsellor?
Judith - What's up, Jo-Jo?
Joan - (She pulls Judith aside) Come here. We can't. Not even to Lars.
Judith - It's a slam dunk. Look what he did to Brian.
Joan - Would you want someone spreading around your crazy camp file? Even if it was true? Don't you want the chance to work that stuff out yourself?
Judith - What happened?
Joan - I just saw it. What we were about to do. What were we thinking?
Brian - What is going on over here?
They both look at her and Joan looks back at Lars. He is asking people to vote for him. He stops and gives Joan a desperate look.
Brian - Come on, what have you got?
Joan - Uh, he wants to join the peace corps. Lars.
Brian - What?
Joan - Yeah, he's just, you know, worried that his friends will think he's a doofus.
Brian - How can you think that joining the peace corps would be a bad thing?
Joan - I know, I'm sorry. I thought--
Brian - I was counting on you. You told me not to quit. Now this loss is gonna be on my college record.
Joan - I really loved your mission statement. I'm all the way up to page 18.
Judith - (she’s got this look in her eye) At least give me one thing.
Seconds later. There is a banging on the lockers from the in side.
Judith - What’s the magic word Lars?
Lars - (From inside the Locker) Ok, I get it. Locker bad. Alright, this is so not funny any more.
Grace - Oh, I could stand here for hours.
Luke - How did you do this? (Judith locks her lips with the invisible key)
Friedman - You have held as 'twere the mirror up to nature, where it sees reflected-- this is really cool. This is really... wow!
Lars - [Banging continues] I’m sorry ok.
Down the hall, Joan is at her locker when The locksmith god comes up to her.
God - Mankind lives in a prison of his own making. But you always call on me for the keys.
Joan - I couldn't do it. I... I couldn't win that way.
God - Yeah. It's amazing how many people could've.
Joan - So Lars is gonna win?
God - Landslide.
Joan - I drove myself crazy for nothing!
God - You were involved, Joan. That always makes a difference.
The last scene begins with Joan and Helen sitting down to ice cream.
Helen - Just a bite.
Joan - Mom, we're bummed. We're eating the whole thing.
Helen - Joan, may I have chocolate sauce and ice cream, too.
Joan - No point without it.
Helen - Darlene cried when I apologized, but she still won't come back to class. God, I was hoping there was some way to undo it all. I was such a jerk.
Joan - Yeah? You weren't alone.
Helen - Well, Brian lost the election. So you didn't destroy Lars. That makes one of us a decent person.
Joan - Hmm. I had it in me to do it. I felt it.
Helen - What were you gonna do?
Joan - Lars is... gay.
Helen - And you were gonna use that to...
Joan - mom, it would've been so easy. But then... in my head, I kept seeing him looking at me... so scared, you know? Big, strong Lars, scared and confused. And I've been there, like... like all the time. And it was like we weren't really different people ‘cause...someplace we aren't. (Helen holds her hand) Why is that so hard to remember?
Helen - I don't know.
Joan - I didn't like losing, though. I mean... being involved was supposed to make a difference, and...I don't really see how.
Helen - Ah, well, you need more chocolate sauce. And so do I.
Joan - Oh, that's good.
There is a Knock on door
Joan - [Softly] Oh, it's Darlene. She's come to kill you and dip you in shellac.
Helen - I'm eating your half.
Joan opens the door and Adam comes in.
Adam - I got it.
Joan - What?
Adam - An internship at this graphics design studio. Brian found a mentoring program and then he set up the interview. And they called me at work. All I had was the flyer that I made for Brian.
Joan - Yeah.
Adam - And they loved it.
Joan - Oh, my god!
Adam - And this guy's so cool. He had me help him out with this ad layout, right away. A-and I mean, it was just colouring in stuff. But they're gonna pay me just as much as the hotel.
Joan - Really?
Adam - For doing something I love. It's...I just need to give you a hug.
Joan - Ok. Oh, my god.
Adam - Yeah.
Joan - Congratulations. I'm so happy for you.
Helen looks at them through the opening and continues to eat the ice cream.
